Recently a conversation with a couple of young professional women gave me one more glimpse into the serious problem some women are having, trying to balance their work and having a man in their lives, an issue made more complicated for one of the women who also had children. These were young women who didn't need a man to support them, but who still longed to have love in their lives.
Both of them were attractive, but both were also fiercely "independent," and were commenting on how their "independence" seemed to be a turn-off for qualified and desirable bachelors in New Orleans. They seemed to be baffled that not needing or wanting anything from a man but affection and moral support didn't make them more desirable. They were thinking like independent women, not like a man who has invested his life in becoming something important and necessary... so he could feel important and necessary.
That modern women prepare themselves to be able to care for themselves and that modern men still prepare themselves to be somebody who is respected and admired is a fact that is missing from the lessons learned by many little girls in this post "women's liberation" age. For the last twenty years the needs of women have been highlighted, while the needs of men have been ridiculed and ignored, so many young women do not have a clue about the negative impact of not needing a man.
I've often described men as "egos with two legs," and as a man I don't feel one bit diminished by that description. I've come to accept that I really feel good about myself for the roles I play in the lives of people who need me. That makes me feel important and necessary. After I expressed this idea the young women in this discussion understood exactly what I meant, and began to understand that no matter how "independent" they felt, that expressing "I don't need a man" in words, attitude or behavior made them unattractive to any man who wants to be cherished and respected in a relationship with a woman.
I then really shook up things when I asked them, "Do you have time in your life for a relationship with a man who desires time, attention and some priority in the life of his woman. After all, the woman's needs cannot be the only consideration.
I don't know any proud and productive man who would be happy in a relationship where he doesn't feel needed and he only gets leftover time from a mate. So no, many men will not be interested in the "super woman," I've got it all under control type.
So, as crazy as it may seem to some women, men like to be needed and necessary. We like being impressive to our women, will work multiple jobs and long hours when we know that we have to make it happen for the woman we love. It's not in my choosing but in my design that my nature rises when I'm told "You take good care of us, baby."
If you don't believe me, if you have a good man, say that to him and see how pleasant he becomes.
I just told the ladies to not be so "in your face independent" and share the challenges in their lives with any man with whom they want to investigate a relationship. The idea is for him to be able to figure where he can fit, and how he might be a hero. There's nothing more exciting or arousing than being able to slay a dragon for a damsel in distress.
Lloyd Dennis is an author and producer of CresentCityLive.com which dedicates its writings to love, marriage and family living, mentoring, and live entertainment in New Orleans. They call him "Love Doctor" for what he writes and teaches about managing personal, business and workplace relationships.
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